How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
