My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
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