you traded sex for a burrito?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
