So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
