me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
