I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
