just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
