I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
