ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
