Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
She is in my trunk
are you so shy because you have an std?
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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