The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
