When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
