I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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