one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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