Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
