I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
