a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
