Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
