You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
the room spins SO much faster in panama
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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