Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Brb crying the tears of my youth
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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