My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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