My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
