I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
