Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
