im drinking this country out of the recession.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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