This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
