I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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