Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
