With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
