Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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