She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
