Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
