I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
He did a backflip because drugs
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
