We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
