Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
