just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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