she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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