And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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