after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Randomize
