Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
