Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Randomize
