maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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