And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
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