I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize
