He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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