Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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