matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
