should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
All I want is dick and wine.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
