OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Randomize
