Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
