Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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