the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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