I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
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